For me, what happened is that the experience I had fifteen years ago was triggered with the same anxieth about being inadequate. This happened at a time my therapist was in vacation.
I half dealt with this by rationalizing what she said about previous relationships (and that it was not all wine and roses) to question my own idea that she has seen it all (and enjoyed it more than she will ever be able to enjoy me).
Next to that, I started digging in my own past to find proof that I am not unexperienced and unknowing and have something to offer too. I saw no other way, although my therapist might have guided me into another direction.


For her, she is overly caring. That started when I felt tense, she asked (and kept asking) why. I opened up about the negative experiences I had in the past and how they had affected me. A slip of the tongue revealed she had done exactly those things that had traumatized me (not the ONS, she only had long relationships). Later she wanted to explain, and started with "I am a bit experimantally minded" ... which for me made things worse. It could be - but I did not dare to ask at the time - that she only was pointing to this one phase.

For her, the idea of intimacy between us is disturbed by the idea of an extremely experienced woman that was created by my anxiety (I knew what was happening and that things were not correct). She remains careful as she does not want to trigger things again. She wants to wait until I had a few sessions with the sexuologist.

We both have a strong desire (she says and intimate connection is very important to her and that sex is an important part of that, although I believe that when relationships turned sour, she was probably just going through the motions when she had to). I am ready to move on as I have experienced before that positive experiences and feedback can help me through such a crisis. She is reluctant out of carefulness. She likes the small things she allows me to do for her (very much so) but she really misses doing something in return, while at the same time she does not dare.

We discussed this last weekend and I told her that her carefulness was in part what triggered things. For the first time since the start of my crisis, she carressed my back and shoulders. The touch gave me an intensity I have never known before, I am sure she noticed and hope that she realizes I do experience this intimacy in a similar way as she does.