We moved about a year ago from the south east to the north. We got the first thing on the first floor we could find. We thought it would be fine. We bought a couple of cheap dishes with dual handles because it's not that bad to ask for help draining food. A bathtub wasn't a problem in the other house. 3 stairs isn't that bad to get into the house. I had more when we lived in a trailer. Space is smaller but we can make it work. Well it's not working out.

I can't cook, so I can't eat or drink when everyone is sleeping or gone. Groceries are more expensive so I can't get microwave stuff. No Walmart delivery so we have to rely on Amazon fresh. Our packages regularly get stolen because it's a busy street and they refuse to tell us when they are here. So that's 5-10x a day I have to ask for help. The stairs are uneven so I need help getting up and down. Meaning if my dog needs to go out I have to wait until someone is free. That's another 5x a day I have to ask for help.

My desk where I draw is in the corner pushed up against the window with the view of trash all over the yard because the neighbors throw there trash off the balcony and leave it there for h to pick up. I have to climb over the bed if I'm sitting at my desk and have to use the bathroom or if h is at his desk ask him to move. That's another 5x. My art supplies are on the other side of the room so I have to climb over the bed or ask h to move so I can get a print out in the kitchen. So I haven't drawn or colored in about a year. It's just easier to lay in bed and watch him do things. I don't like TVs or movies.

And then there's the bathtub and getting dressed. If I shower I have to have help in and out of the shower (asking for help 2x) then need help getting dressed (asking 1x). Then my meds are out up so I have to ask for them(2x). The floor is uneven so I have to be careful not to trip. And that's just inside.

If I go outside I have to walk 10 minutes to the car( walking hurts me). Then parking is $10-40 and still have to walk to the destination. If we don't take the car that's more walking. Leaving us around people who are erratic, yelling, talking to themselves and people asking us for money/food and it's just crowded. I often have to stand on the bus even with my balance problems.

Then there's winter where I can't walk without assistance 100% of the time or I fall. At the same time medical is better, assistance is better, we don't get looked at oddly for being interracial, handicap and Victoria has had no trouble as trans. So if we could get this to work it's a better environment. How do I just accept this and not be miserable? This is not taking in my anxiety about driving, my social anxiety, or anything else like that.