I do not have this problem but since you asked for unconventional advice, I will suggest the paradoxical approach to you: engage in self-hatred as much as possible, do not fight it, be angry with yourself, be angry with yourself more than you usually do, really force it and be emphatic about it instead of fighting it and running away from it (which in your case has not worked).

Paradoxical approach might make this problem eventually self-resolve.