Oh my. That sounds, at least to me, very very difficult conditions. I've never experienced most those conditions and dynamics.

To me it sounds like you traded some physical comfort for some mental comfort? Now I don't mean to undermined the mental anguish still present but, feeling supported - is that something that you see is worth it? Are the supports of medical and community something you can leverage? I mean I don't think you should feel bad whatsoever for asking for help if you haven't already? Or maybe community involvement?

Acceptance may be easier this way? Or if that's not the route to go, does feeling like you fit in worth it all? And Victoria I don't know who that is but is she more happy?

No pressure on the questions just things that come to mind - hoping this situation gets better and honestly if you've been there a year maybe that gives you free time from having the day to day down and efficient, to do things and explore new possibilities that could help, not sure what, you may have ideas