@Arbie

You have every right to be hurt, upset, angry etc. having a family member who is an addict is incredibly challenging, and I'm saying that as an alcoholic.


Yes I believe that addiction is a disease, but I also believe that when I'm in active addiction I don't have control over my drinking, but I still have to be responsible for the damage I cause and hopefully take responsibility for my actions. That's why people who drive drunk are given criminal charges, because they broke the law and endangered other people the possibility that they may have a substance use disorder doesn't get them a free pass.

I think I kind of get what people are saying to you in Nar-Anon although I think it's not necessarily as helpful as it could be. Bottom line, we control our emotions, our reactions, and boundaries to name a few and I think by focusing on your program is meant at least in part to help you implement actions that keep you healthy. That could mean cutting off contact, refusing to support them, not dropping plans to take care of them. It's necessary for the addict to get to the point that consequences of using are sufficiently bad enough to outweigh the apparent benefit of using.

I belong to another forum which is a recovery site. it's not a super busy site but it has some good members and we have a few Moms of addicts on it and they get support for their attempts to set boundaries with their addicted children. If you'd like the name of the site feel free to pm me.