I literally cannot stop body checking, and because body dysmorphia and **** self-esteem it's really fking upsetting. I was looking at myself earlier and I felt 99% fatass but from one angle way too fking skinny. I haven't b/p'd in a couple days but I've been majorly restricting so it wouldn't surprise me if I had a major binge some time soon. I can only think of a certain saying my father used to say to me growing up that probably didn't help that's against the rules to say here. I take up way too much fking space, and I am a burden, and I should get myself kicked out again so I don't waste so much space, money, food, toothpaste, shampoo (maybe I should shave my freakin head), electricity/heat, whatever.