I’m doing a bit better today. Really intense SH thoughts most of the day but I decided to go to the grocery store after work for some sales so I wouldn’t be home alone for too long. CR was home but it’s hard with him bc I have to hide how I’m feeling. I have to fake being happy and that’s difficult. Anyway I got home ten minutes before RS so I wasn’t alone. Then we went for a short walk and I ate dinner with the family so I’m feeling ok now. Not great but not like I’m going to do something rash. At least for right now. Which is all I can ask for.

I did call the ECT dept and she got me in for tomorrow. I’m glad my mom is retired now, she was available to take me on short notice like that. So hopefully that will pull me out of this quickly. My therapist told me it’s not a failure because I did make it four weeks, and I’m recognizing it early which hasn’t always been the case. I’m being proactive whereas in the past I’ve just tried to slog through until I get so bad I do something dumb and end up IP. I’ve come a long way.