I watched some video (One sec I'll find it);



And I felt sooo apathetic, taking a walk.. in the cold.. People were looking at me. I don't like the way I look sometimes.. Maybe I'm too fat.

But anyways, I'm like "I will be numb - Then I can't feel when people laugh at me". Cuz isn't it like that.. With life.. Just feeling shame, embarrassment, etc... I never really felt that (When I was 17-21) - Those 4+ years, have been total mania (But with ability to sleep).

Anyways, I might be insane.. But we all are, and that's ok. As long as it doesn't interfere with your life... Then that's when you seek help, and the brain chems can be balanced etc.

But I said to myself (Basically 100% giving up), "I wish I had no emotions, and I could just be an awareness module/machine, observing reality" - All the songs that play, so meaningful - Still.. Cuz like, they're all chosen 100% correctly for my particular situation.. That's pure synchronicity..

I talked to my autist friend (Sent her the song), and she didn't reciprocate - I thought "Ok, you're on a different path", felt sad - But before that? I CHOSE to live.. Cuz I've been really really depressed (In the past) for a LONG time (And didn't know why) - Now I have more experience in life.. I know the game (Enough) to get by..

We were talking on the Snapchat group - And Newtus left, I sent her a 2-3 messages "I care" - Cuz I'd often leave groups (Thinking everyone is against me) and some people would do that after.. So even if there's conflict, and people are wrong or right, things are still good.. I even said that in a "Parkinson's" type state.. I'm still in that state.. I do need a long break from life, and the autist friend too (I love her but she's super weirdo, and too much to handle)... And my muscles, they don't react to my mind.. Cuz my mind is too exhausted, and nothing connects.. Newtus got added back...

And I said to my mom "Mom, everything is an algorithm" and she was like "Nooo! I'm reaaalll - You're not an alien, etc" - I said "If I said these things a few years ago, you would have sent me to the psych ward" and she said "I still might!" and walked away.. !

Now, what to do.. The songs are good. Life gets better (Once delusions are broken - And to stop a delusion, it has to fizz out, or be obliterated - People shouldn't perpetuate/endorse others' delusions/Especially if they are from the World Economic Forum communism.. But that's only 8% of the population) - And..

As you can see, all the Karens (Bird chirping) has gone down a little bit (Now that people are dying from vaccines etc), so they will quiet down a little more, and the WEF will have less power. Some people (Even the most awakened) will be watching the news, and be "I can't believe this is actually happening - I thought it would 20 years ago, but I've been disappointed for so many years" (So even they won't believe it).

But anyways, mindfulness is good.. And just being chill.. No agitation, defending your delusions etc.. Just know that life is good, there's love, we support each other, we all make mistakes, many people are fools (Like me for example), and we all have different souls/realities..

I'll update my progress some time later.. Peace.