Ahoy Whirling Dervish and welcome to MSF. I hope you make some good connections here.

I read your entire post. It was long, but you're a very good writer PLUS you used paragraphs which helps a lot!

What I'm picking up is that you really want to contact this woman and get involved again (with the hope that she'll have changed).

I don't think she'll change, sadly.

Does she have avoidant or disorganized anxious attachment? Maybe, maybe not. She might have ROCD (relationship OCD) or maybe not. Whatever the case is, it is up to her to do the work on herself so she can have a relationship. You can't do the work for her. Trying to 'fix' her would be the codependent response to the situation.

You seem like a real great guy who knows what he wants. I'd say don't settle for less. She's told you who she is, in fact she's shown you. There is the saying, "If someone tells you who they are, believe them." You'd be in for more of the same, if you go back. She is 61 and her personality is pretty set. It's a long-shot that she could change at this point.

She said you're not up to her standards... that's enough to walk away from her, right there. That's not a lack of Prozac that made her say that. That's her.

But, it hard to lose the "potential" of a relationship. But "potential" is not reality.

You made the right call by going no contact. I'd say stick to it.

Nevertheless, it hurts as it's a loss. You made an investment for during the time you were with her. You need time to grieve.

Take good care...

Again, welcome to the forum... keep on posting!