I got a court summons this week.

Wow. Just.... Wow.

Every apology, every letter, every request for counselling, every request for family counselling, every admission of guilt has been submitted.

10+ years. My file is the size of the phone book.

My pleading heartfelt letters and texts begging for peace held up as proof of my guilt.

My numerous (previously ignored since years) requests for family counselling held up as proof of how the kids need her.

My emails saying "please stop, please get some help ", held up as examples of my harassment of her and labeling her.

My emails saying my income can't support two homes and pleading for peace held up as proof of how we have to liquidate everything immediately.

There's no emotion in anything she's doing. Just vindictiveness.

I've been remarkably low for a few days... Feeling hopeless, ashamed, guilty, old, and just not wanting to exist anymore.

I sent her texts, emails, letters where I poured my heart out. They were full of vulnerability and sincerity and they're weaponized against me.

And here's the thing.... Because I "loved" an illusion, I'm scared I'll never experience anything that strong again.

I'm also scared to be vulnerable again.

Wow this hurts.

RDMercer