I have for sure accepted my diagnoses, but that doesn't mean I like having these psychiatric issues. I would much prefer to be mentally and emotionally healthy. But for whatever reason, my brain isn't wired like a healthy person's brain. And I see proof of this every single day. I mean, it's a fact of my life that I have these problems. There's no way not to accept that. But that also doesn't mean I have to completely give up (though of course there have been many times I've wanted to) or spend the rest of my life living in a cave. It's like any chronic health condition, it's about learning to manage it as best you can.

I'm old now, I will be 60 in a few months. A lot of my life is in the rear view mirror. But despite my mental health problems, my life hasn't been a total unrelenting disaster. And to the outside world, I managed to live a very full life for much of my adulthood (even though I had horribly dysfunctional "coping mechanisms" for a lot of that time, not to mention a ton of turmoil).

But my point is, even if someone is Bipolar or has Major Depressive Disorder or any other serious mental illness, you can still have a life.

Where it does get really tricky I personally feel, is when the illness isn't well managed. Some people get lucky and find a good medication combo and they notice significant remission/improvement in their symptoms. And they remain stable for large periods of their lives. Other people either don't respond very well to medication or have horrible side effects, or the pain is so bad they keep needing to go into hospital. Or worse. That is definitely a really challenging way to have to live. It's challenging enough even if you get partial remission.

I'm never going to be someone who says "I wouldn't change a thing. Everything I've experienced has made me who I am today". Nope. I would change plenty if I could. But I can't.

I do worry that, as I'm aging, I'm becoming more dysfunctional. I do so much less now than I did, even 5 years ago. My world has become a lot smaller than it was. And my mental health plays a huge role in that. I can definitely relate when you talk about wanting to be a normal person and feeling like your life is a failure. I constantly have thoughts like that. Like, every day. But I try and remind myself that there have been good times too, even prolonged periods of time - many years - when I was high functioning despite my inner struggles/demons. And I bet that's the same for you too