Hi MSF members.

I am working on setting stronger boundaries around my sense of self respect and where I draw the line with people who try to cross my boundaries and who disrespect me.

There have been a few instances lately where I've had to draw the line with people and confront them on their disrespect towards me.

I feel guilty and wrong for doing this, and like I am causing waves with people simply for standing up for my rights to dignity and respect.

I grew up with a narcissistic father, and I think this is partially a result of that upbringing. I grew up taking care of my father's needs first and foremost, and my needs got squashed and neglected. So, I grew up believing that everyone else's needs matter far more than my own, and that I must take care of others at all times before myself, and at my own expense.

I realize how wrong and backwards that is. I have learned that my needs matter just as much, if not more sometimes. I've learned over the years that I have to look out for myself far better, because I've been trampled on, abused, bullied and stepped on too many times.

I've learned that I had weak boundaries, and that meant that I need to strengthen my boundaries. So I am now working on this, but it comes with a price.

Because I've drawn boundaries with a few individuals in my social circle, it's caused conflict. People don't like it when you confront them with their disrespect. And that has resulted in my having to (1) block on person entirely and (2) tell a male and female couple that I need to back away from them and steer clear of them, in particular the female.

This female had recently insulted my passion project that I work on outside of work. She compared me to someone else doing very similar work, by saying "well, you're inspiring, but this woman is REALLY inspiring". I felt like it was a backhanded cutting remark made against my work, so I was deeply insulted.

So, we had a conflict over this comment because I confronted her. But I ended up upsetting her, and I was the one apologizing the next day, trying to smooth things over. Well, she never wrote back to me, so a week later, I reached out to her husband about it. I told him exactly how I felt, I said I didn't appreciate the insult, that she has a sharp tongue, and that I will steer clear from now on.

This particular woman has an edge about her, she can be harsh with her words, and she is very hot and cold whenever I've run into her. She was cold towards me just recently, before she decided to insult me. So, I had had enough of this behavior over the years, and told her husband as much. I told him exactly what I am explaining here now about her.

But it all just feels very weird to me, and now I feel like I'm the bad guy for standing up for myself and for holding people accountable for their behavior.

The person I had to block, I also need to avoid. She had posted publicly about me, complaining about me dating some guy, when I had explicitly stated that if she has an issues with me, to handle it privately. She told me that her need for community support around it trumped my desire for privacy. So I told her that is completely selfish thinking, hurtful towards me, and disrespectful. And I blocked her.

Is it normal to feel guilty and wrong for setting boundaries, when you have never had good boundaries?

How do you set boundaries with people without creating conflict? I feel like conflict is inevitable, but maybe I am going about this all wrong. I really don't know.

I need help with this issue.