Working on boundaries has been a big thing for me, so I can share a little about what I've learned. No guarantees this hits the mark.

Like you, I grew up in a household where others' needs mattered first and my feelings were rarely considered in the mix. It's easy to understand why you want to feel heard and respected.

Here's a key thing though, boundaries are not about making other people understand you or where you are coming from. Boundaries are about knowing yourself and who you are, and living into that despite the thoughtless things others may do around you.

So when that woman insulted you, a good boundary might look like politely telling her she's free to feel that way, but you're proud of the work you're doing. Or you could limit your contact with her more- as an act of natural consequences to her disrespectful and thoughtless comments. Doing that doesn't necessarily have to be stated directly.

Good boundaries aren't something that seeks to change or cause conflict with the other person. Good boundaries aren't confrontational, because WE don't need that. We can respectfully and gently state our hurt or stance and then move on. The goal isn't to change or convince anyone of anything. We wouldn't want others to do that to us, so we shouldn't do it to them.

Actually, when we confront others and try to prove our point, we can actually end up giving away a lot of the power we should be keeping for ourselves

Doctor Les Carter on YouTube does a lot of good videos about boundaries (focusing on narcissism) if you're looking for someone to offer some better advice.

it's not always easy.