So she filed for divorce?

Unless your letters and texts were of a threatening nature, what does it matter that you wrote to her begging her to come back. I don’t understand how it even relates to anything if she filed for divorce. Judge will decide how assets are divided and custody arrangements. I don’t see how judge would even care that you were writing to her. Who cares.

You need a good lawyer. Yes you’d likely have to sell the house or buy her out and judge will determine who gets what. But whatever you wrote to her while separated is irrelevant. It’s only relevant to demonstrate that she abandoned her children and you were distraught by that. Make sure you have a good lawyer who’ll fight for you having full custody of the kids

As about worrying you’ll never feel how you feel for her, that’s a good sign. It was not healthy, largely based on illusion and unbalanced. That creates unusually intense attachment that could be mistaken for “intense love like never before blah blah blah”. But it’s not sustainable. True happiness is contentment, not anxious obsession. So that’s a positive outcome if you never go for such relationship

You could do it. With legal help.