Quote:
Originally Posted by comrademoomoo
I find this so hard to wrap my head around. I can't imagine thinking someone else is responsible for something as fundamental as my safety, even thinking about it makes me anxious. I don't trust anyone to look after my safety except me and it has been like this since childhood. I suppose there are situations where we hand over responsibility for our selves, like to a pilot when we fly or to the doctor when they prescribe, but ugh I find it hard to even accept those infrequent occasions. I don't know what happens to our agency if we think others are responsible for us. It is far more reassuring for me to be confident in my autonomy and control, relying on others is extremely fraught territory.
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I guess it's a relief for me because if I was the only one responsible, I honestly don't think I could keep myself safe on my own. Truly. It's way riskier to depend on myself right now than to depend on people that L trusts with my safety. Still risky. But I don't feel a loss of control. G, J, and even L don't make decisions for me. Ever. We make them together. I know the consequences of my actions, so if I harm myself, I know what G will do (i.e. call H, do a safety check). That's not taking control away from me. And even with those consequences, I can choose whether to open the front door or not.