Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I guess it's a relief for me because if I was the only one responsible, I honestly don't think I could keep myself safe on my own. Truly. It's way riskier to depend on myself right now than to depend on people that L trusts with my safety. Still risky. But I don't feel a loss of control. G, J, and even L don't make decisions for me. Ever. We make them together. I know the consequences of my actions, so if I harm myself, I know what G will do (i.e. call H, do a safety check). That's not taking control away from me. And even with those consequences, I can choose whether to open the front door or not.
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I think we have very different definitions of safety, control, and so on. Minor elements like whether I open a door or such would not even register with me as an indication of where my locus of control was located. Having awareness that the consequences of my actions would prompt someone to instigate an intervention does not feel like autonomy to me as it necessarily relies on an other being involved/present/having an element of responsibility. There's something paternalistic about the situations which you describe and I know that this is reassuring for some people - indeed, the kind of socio-political state interventions which I sometimes support (like welfare or state education) are a version of this kind of action. But yes, for me, relief is found in the knowledge that if I am in control, I am safe.