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Originally Posted by unaluna
Did i read that correctly, the night in the ER was right before the breakup lunch?
Maybe mom put a bug in her ear.
My mother did that to me once, in college. I never explained to the guy what turned me cold, but it was my mother making fun of him. I could have had a normal wholesome life with a guy who loved me, but nooooo. She couldnt tolerate that. And yes i am also anxious avoidant.
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Thank you for your thoughts… I have thought of that, and think you could possibly be onto something.
As our months together progressed, she told me a lot about her previous relationships… Void of real intimacy, not a lot of dialogue, certainly not much connection.
She told me that she no longer trusted her instincts with men, because her family members would point out things that her boyfriends were doing that they thought wasn’t good for her, and she kept saying over and over that she couldn’t see what her Family members were saying, and thought everything was OK… It wasn’t until much later after it all turned south that she started to realize that they were right.
So what you are saying certainly has some potential validity… Perhaps when she was at the wedding the weekend before, or even earlier, somebody may have said something to her that made her think twice about it… Something like, “why would you settle for a guy who has no money and can’t fit into the lifestyle that you have worked so hard to achieve, and has Long and has which you know could make you feel uncomfortable in front of your professional peers? You could probably have many different guys that have lots of money they could make you feel a lot less insecure about things… What’s stopping you from doing that?”
I am betting that if someone in her family or friends said something like that to her, it would devalue me significantly in her eyes, knowing that her family thinks she can do better. That would explain it clearly, but I really have no evidence that this is what has happened.
To the person that responded previously… Of course it’s possible that she just didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I’m not buying that. Her and I were best friends right up until toward the end, and the shift seemed to come quickly, and there were no obvious signs that she was in distress… No suggestions that we needed to talk about anything, no indications that she had anything on her mind. That to me just doesn’t sound like the girl I knew. At all…
This seems way more like a situation of self-destruction or outside influence.
Of course I might just be naïve or gullible, or hugely vulnerable to think these things. Maybe time will tell.
Thank you for engaging me on this. It helps me a lot to know what others are reading and responding. I certainly need that right about now