thank you christina and b bear. i think i am more stable today. i think it was old programming and the trigger came up. the destructives were close to having me take 28 pain pills from like 2 years ago that i found by accident the other day.
sorry - this fits like three catigories; DID, SI, and Abuse.
from talking in here and ppls pms i have been able to process the trigger and see it for what it was. programming that is bent on my destruction.