It helps so much to have someone to chat with, it really helps with not feeling so alone. Especially as not many people in my "real" life know what is going on for many, many reasons. Apart from my therapist and one of my best friends, no one else knows the real truth of how things are right now.


I got to meet with my therapist today and she asked me the same question we had been pondering earlier, which is how much is too much and do I think I will ever say enough is enough. I told her essentially what we had talked about but she said most women just "know" when they have had enough and once they get to that point they can't be convinced otherwise whereas men go back and forth and are ambivalent. This sounds very familiar to me!


That is a good idea to think of something each morning. Of course, having a job and the kids to focus on helps too. Also hobbies help and friends. Now I see my therapist twice a month but I also try to have a topic in mind to discuss with her and she always gives me what I call "action items" which is part of the reason I like her so much. She has so many actual, real helpful tips that I can put to use even though I am the only one who is willing to work on things. But she had a good point today to redirect me to focus on things I can do to make this situation better for myself. So, just like you mentioned, that is what I am doing.


With respect to your summary about October, it is so so hard not to fall back into old habits. It is something I find for me I have to actively work on. If I do anything by instinct or without thinking too hard I end up right where I started which is difficult. It is so hard not to try and "fix" things for them, isn't it? I too struggle with that even though you are right in the end it doesn't serve either of us well.


We just have had all these fun events with the kids and my H sits there like a ghost on his phone with no interaction/or on the flip side, if the kids are fighting/misbehaving he is screaming at them in a way that I hate. I also discussed this with my therapist today, but I grew up in a non-screaming house so yelling (I am talking REAL LOUD YELLING not raising your voice which I too do more than I'd like) is very scary for me. And, I don't want my kids to grow up and get used to being screamed at. Have you had any experience with this? With my H it is a product of him bottling everything up inside so its like a pot that boils over. He has never been able to discuss any inter-personal frustration with me calmly. He usually is much better with the kids but can have a temper at times and it does really bug me. Really it is something he needs to work on badly and I have set firm boundaries but my therapist gave me some tips too that help.


In a nutshell, that has been my week so far. I hope that November brings some calmness and light to you! And as always thanks for listening!