After I emotionally detached from my mom, I still feel anxious. My ear hurts, my throat hurts, my chest feels damn heavy, and my breathing also hurts. Like near my nose. I know there’s a part inside me trying to tell me something but I don’t know what. I had gone to therapy where they speak to each part and respectfully and lovingly tell it we’re here to listen. But I don’t know what part in me needs help. Let’s call her Melissa. Here’s what Melissa would like to say: “I feel judged by everyone. For what I feel and think and am. I really wish I had a safe place to stay. I wouldn’t be hated so much. My mom and sis have given me nightmares in my sleep. It is terrifying. Their lack of love has hurt me. I am in need of help. I need love. From me.”
My reply- “Dear Melissa we love you.”
“Prove it!!” Says Melissa angrily
“I eat well, I exercise, I write things down I try to talk to you. We all love you so much because of what you do for us. You listen and you respond. You’re such a sweet girl. Yeah that’s true. You love this body with your life. You work so hard and you’re always fighting for our good. I think it’s clear now that you’ve done a lot for us and we hardly ever realise it. You’re afraid others will see your tears but we don’t judge. This is a freedom filled space for you. Thank you Melissa for being our backup and guide. You love us so much. You’ve truly loved us since we were young. Whenever we went out you thought of things we need. You write down lists but we pushed you away. I’m so sorry Melissa! Please forgive me. We love you. Until next time, keep being with us and being your beautiful strong self.”
“(In tears) I-I…don’t know what to say. I didn’t know I meant so much to you. Let me- let me go and process this.”
“We’re here for you anytime darlin. You’re our precious girl.”
Bye ;^*