Food is a touchy issue. My mom used to say that’s all I know to do. To eat and waste my life. Oh god… the misery. Anyway she’s made a few mistakes and now I have to deal with it. I sometimes get anxious about food. Not having enough is a fear I have. I tend to gobble wondering if I’ll get the next meal. So I’m learning to cook. When I was weak and she was angry with me, she told me to eat at the canteen. But I was too weak to go the canteen. Hahaha… that’s when it happened. I got so weak I stayed back. I refused to go to college. There were days that I ate cheap food at the canteen. She threw a lot of tantrums for food. I also tantrums for food as a way to get attention. I would not eat. So that I got attention from her. So that she’ll ask me why or what happened. I used food refusal as a way to express dissatisfaction with her. Why was I upset? God knows. Mostly I was upset with the way she spoke to me and scolded me. Telling me to go to my friends house to sleep. She’d say, ok I’m wrong. So what? As if I’m wrong for even questioning her. I suddenly realise the fear I feel is very real. It is a fear. For sure. One day my mom was crying and banging at my door when I had locked it. That scared me.