I had to cycle to some shops before storm Ciaran broke here and then I took a look at Internal Family Systems therapy stuff online. I made a chart of all my parts and labelled them 'exile' and 'manager' or 'firefighter'. It helped me a lot. I've noticed my anxiety is much worse since I started phoning my mother again but I said I'd do it because my sister is busy. Forgiveness is important but so is protecting our mental health. Tricky to find the balance.