My mother once told me “go ahead- kill yourself. I won’t care. Even if you commit suicide. I’ll go about living my life normally.” Which means there is no way of making my mom happy. She made me feel like a burden, now even killing myself won’t affect her. Sometimes I feel I got depressed not because of my lack of proper nutrition, or poor grades, but because I hope it will catch her attention. But I choose to believe it is my own thoughts that led to this, in accordance to CBT. Should I read “self therapy” or “adult daughters of narcissistic mothers” or both at the same time, I don’t know.