I started a new job 3 months ago as a freelancer and was just hired on full-time.

At first, I was in love with the company and my team, and especially with my boss. But the honeymoon has ended, and issues are starting to bubble up to the surface.

As a result, I am now wondering if I am yet again in another toxic workplace?

I am in the marketing department. It is very large. Because there are so many different teams of people I must learn and get to know, the process about who I need to get approvals from in order to implement changes on the website became muddled.

Because of this confusion, certain changes were made on the website that I had implemented which did not go through the proper approval channels.

It was caught, and brought to everyone's attention, including myself.

I took ownership over where I had gone wrong, but I also had an email chain showing who had guided me in the process for approvals, so I wasn't solely at fault.

Yesterday I met with my boss's boss in our monthly 1:1 check-in meeting.

She came down on me VERY HARD. I received criticism after criticism, at the end of which I had to ask her, "is there anything positive you can tell me?"

I walked away and practically broke down in tears.

For the last 3 months, I've been on a high of feeling great about my work, my team, the company, and the impact I am having.

But after this meeting, I walked away feeling the opposite - like I am doing everything wrong, like I am rubbing people the wrong way, and like I am not fitting into the company culture. That's how she came across to me in this meeting.

I also now feel like I have to walk on eggshells around everyone's feelings. People are so incredibly sensitive in this company!! Argh. I have never met more sensitive people. You have to craft every word in every freaking email just so, so as to not step on anyone's toes, exclude, or offend anyone.

I am a no-nonsense, get down to business kind of person who communicates in a direct and honest manner. I do not beat around the bush. I am also very professional. I want to get things done the right way, I want to make a positive impact on company revenue, and I express my opinions openly, passionately, and with candor and enthusiasm.

Well, this woman, my boss's boss, made me feel like I am no longer welcome in the company, or even in my department.

I almost cried when I returned to my desk. I talked to my boss about it right afterwards. She made me feel slightly better, but I still felt like I had been completely wrist slapped and brought down many pegs by her boss.

Luckily, this woman is moving into a different position, and that was my final meeting with her in her current role. A male is replacing her, and I have to meet with him next week 1:1.

But, now, as a direct result of this meeting, I am wondering if I am in a toxic work environment?!?

It appears to me like I am being blamed for the implementation process getting muddled, when I had been guided by certain people through the approval process. It wasn't entirely my fault, but I am being blamed for it anyways?

And now, I also feel like I cannot be myself AT ALL.

I told my mother last night that from now on, I am going to shut up, listen, not express my opinions, keep my head down, do what I am told, and say yes to everyone.

I am also in a very tough position whereby my work is largely unknown, unseen, not understood, and therefore, not valued.

I have been educating smaller teams of people on what my work is, and the impact it can have on a website's traffic and revenue, and ultimately, the company's bottom line.

But because it is not very well understood, older beliefs and approaches take precedence vs. progressive thinking and approaches.

No wonder they are so behind all their competitors. It's a dinosaur company that sticks to tradition vs evolving and growing!

No wonder the last person in my position left the company. No wonder why she gave up in this role. I can now see why!

I am not happy about this meeting yesterday, and I am not happy about how I feel right now.

So, the honeymoon has ended, on both our sides. And now I am wondering if I should leave the company. I will have to wait until next July before even thinking of leaving, which would be one year of employment.

Does this sound toxic? Or perhaps this meeting with my boss's boss shows a hint of underlying toxicity that I am not fully aware of yet???