I have been eating terribly this week and I’ve only exercised twice. Like I just feel like eating crap even when I’m not hungry. I’m going to pull it together next week. I got lots of fruit at the grocery store and I’m going to work on only eating while I’m hungry. I’d really like to change my relationship with food. Maybe I need to take the Noom course again. It really helped. It’s not even about losing weight though that would be nice. I just don’t want to hate myself for eating junk food and compare myself to skinny people all the time. I think writing will help, and positive affirmations are helpful too.

I’m feeling good otherwise. I’m going to cancel my ECT appt for Friday. Push it out another 2-3 weeks. Being back on the lexapro is helpful. That was dumb to go off. I just really wanted to reduce my medication but I have to realize I have a serious illness and there’s no shame in needing medication for it. With my current mix of meds I can work full time and carry on a fulfilling life outside of work. It’s worth it. It is what it is.

November is going to be busy. Next weekend we’re going out for CR’s birthday for his first of four birthday dinners lol. Had to split up the family because there’s just no room in our house to have everyone over at the same time, plus all the tension and drama between some family members is not worth it. Next weekend we also have a “chili cook off” for RS’s parents’ housewarming party. Then the following weekend we’re celebrating my SIL’s birthday, then going to the arcade for CR’s birthday, then dinner with my mom for CR’s birthday. THEN it’s thanksgiving, then my brother wants to get together for a second mini thanksgiving and again, CR’s birthday. Whew!

This weekend is really my only chance to “chill”. I have to take down all the Halloween decorations though. And do all the chores I didn’t do during the week. And we’re going up to my grandma’s to help her out with a couple of winterizing things. My goodness.