Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. I really appreciate it.

I talked with my therapist about this situation and she said there's nothing wrong with being angry about a shytty diagnosis. I inherited it from my mom's side of the family, and I can't help feeling a little pissed off at them. I know it's not really their fault. I mean, it's genetics. I'd rather be alive than dead, so I'm not mad I was born or anything.

I just have a bad relationship with that side of the family in general. Particularly my cousin, who's a complete dickhead to my husband. I'm not going to my grandma's funeral when she eventually passes. I have DISOWNED myself!!!

My anxiety disorder bothers me the most. It's this constant, never-ending feeling of anxiety and dread in the pit of my stomach. It gets in the way of everything in my life. I've accepted my GAD, but the schizoaffective bipolar is a little harder. I keep on messing with my meds, taking too much (seroquel) or too little (loxapine) because I think I'll be fine. I'm in the throes of intense loxapine withdrawal right now. It feels similar to benzo withdrawal. If I had known this med would be so uncomfortable to taper off of, I would have said HELL no to going on it in the first place!!!

Anyway, I'm rambling now. I apologize. I'm just really having troubles with radical acceptance here.

I just need to ACCEPT I have an illness (besides GAD) and that I need to take meds to help me manage my symptoms 😫. Boohoo!

Great. Now I'm boohooing again!

I'm just so... MAD at that side of my family!!!! And I know that's totally unfair of me.