I have had thoughts of starting to cut myself. I'm 43 and have never done it, but I am worried sick over my 18 yo bipolar daughter who is on the verge of homelessness again. I bought some cigarettes yesterday and smoked 2; I haven't smoked in twentyfive years. The truth is I bought the lighter thinking I might set myself on fire while pumping gas, but then I bought the cigarettes to have a reason for carrying the lighter around with me. I am overcome with horrible thoughts of her being raped and murdered by someone. She cuts herself too, and I've started thinking that maybe I should try it too because I feel like I'm going crazy with worry and I don't know what to do. I haven't cut myself yet, but I'm going nuts and I have OCD myself, so I just keep having all these crazy ideas that I can't get rid of, and I think the worry over my daughter will drive me to do something really bad just to get my mind off of her and her problems, and all of the stupid things that she is doing right now. She says she would rather be homeless than go to hosp, and everyone says she is manipulating me right now, but being homesless is real, not manipulation, and if it is manipulation it is working because I'm going nuts one minute at a time.