I’m feeling really depressed tonight. For one thing, it’s too ****ing warm for November. ****ing global warming. It should be colder than it is. I’m also realizing right now that when my mom dies, which won’t be for a long time (I hope) but will happen eventually, I will be all alone. I love my sister, but I don’t really talk to her much because we’re in different countries and we’re both so busy. My dad is a very difficult person to tolerate these days. I talk to my mom more than I talk to anyone else. I’m single, no kids, and I feel like I don’t have as many friends as I had previously thought. I’m done with pharmacy. DONE. Every day when I go into work, I have to fight the urge to walk out again. I took a class at a fine arts college this fall and got an A-. It was a really good course. It pushed me out of my comfort zone and really stretched me. I emailed the head of the illustration department on Friday asking what I would do to expedite my transition into illustration; no response yet but it is still the weekend. I feel really uncomfortable, like everything is coming to a head and is going to explode. The **** is going to hit the fan soon and I don’t know what will come of it. I’m near a breaking point— not in terms of safety, I have no desire to hurt or kill myself. But I just feel so much pent up tension right now… So much frustration, so much restlessness, so much despair. I feel like I’m reaching a turning point in my life… Something is going to happen soon that will rock my foundation. Hopefully i will be able to pick up the pieces from it.

On the plus side, I got a new tattoo yesterday and it ****ing rocks!!! It’s an armband tattoo around my right upper arm; hurt like a ***** when I was getting it done (especially on the skin of my inner arm), but it was SO WORTH IT. We just did the outline and the black parts, I’ll get the color done next month.

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