There is a type of person that insists on being “the princess”. Everything is about them and their needs and they are very high maintenance. If this person is not coddled the way they want they literally threaten to discard as though others are privileged to be privy to their drama.

- I definitely experienced this. She had multiple issues with food intolerances. I'm a pretty good cook, and quite knowledgeable about this stuff. She literally took no responsibility for a number of years to shop, plan meals, or feed herself. She was endlessly hurt and bitter about what the rest of us could eat that she couldn't. That's understandable, BUT.... be involved.

This individual will even claim to have “special powers” which is strange because they are also very needy and constantly claim to be a powerless victim. It’s all about their needs and their boundaries and you don’t get to have feelings and boundaries.

- Ah.... Special Powers. Her mother claimed to have actual special powers, like clairvoyant powers. My wife's special power was that she could feel the pain of others. The pain of others, on top of her own pain was crippling..... She wouldn't do anything to help anyone else, but she could feel their pain. Like Ukrainians.... "Well, let's work with newcomers, and support the Red Cross." "No, we have to look after ourselves..... But I can feel their pain, I can feel what they're going through."

Add to that a problem with alcohol and drug abuse and this makes things even more toxic.

- Oh yeah.... The alcohol added another level.

When someone loves a toxic person it really takes time to slowly help them see all the toxic aspects of the relationship. Often the victim becomes very committed thinking there must be something they can do to change the toxic dynamic. After all there are times when the victim is thanked and even praised. But this is ONLY to keep the feed going for the “princess”.

- Yes, this has been hard to face. Realizing that the good times and compliments were probably just to keep things going longer.

Truth is everyone suffers if the “princess” doesn’t get her way. Your wife had discarded you a long time ago. She was just playing and using you getting ready to completely discard you.

- Yes, the whole house was on eggshells for her whims and state of mind.

This kind of disordered person prefers to discard yet at the same time likes to think you would run back and service her if she wishes. The PRINCESS always needs to have this sense of POWER.

If they feel they lost power, they will lash out and have temper tantrums and meltdowns. Actually, your lawyer knows this and is advising you to stay calm and be the good man and dad you are.

- My lawyer has said, "Delay, delay, delay.... You've been run ragged for over 10 years. Let her wait. She's still in your head and you feel you have to appease her to keep peace. No. Do not settle quickly. Delay. Hold the line, dig in. You are the stronger person. She's been living off you. Negotiate once she HAS to negotiate. You don't realize your power yet. Do absolutely nothing until you are forced to. Do not settle quickly. Let her acquire debt to live. Do not give her a war chest. Once she has resources, meaning your resources, she will negotiate harder."

Know there is no actual love lost as the princess type is too selfish for that. That is even worse if they abuse alcohol or drugs.

- This has killed me. The realization that I have been used to this degree for this long.

RDM