To me it's starting to look and feel like the holidays. And now the depression has started to make its way into me. The main reason why I have holiday depression is because it's supposed to be a joyous time, but instead, I'm just going to be alone, so it doesn't mean anything to me. It's been that way for a long time for me.

Lately I have been having memories on how nice the holidays were when I was much younger. It was with my original family. The family wasn't great when I was growing up, but it seemed like the holidays was a time when we'd emotionally bonded more with happiness; and put away our differences. When the holidays were over, it felt like the end of the world. Not just because the holidays were over, but because we'd be back to being emotionally separate with each other.

I'm retired now but back in the days when I was working it was the worst before the holidays. The constant questions of, "what will you being for the holidays? Will you be with your family"? And then they'd talk about great plans they will be having. Yea, that really makes me feel great about myself! I have my neighbors now but I hardly talk to them. So I guess that would mean less questions for me.

Also, I hate to sound like a "Scrooge", but I can't stand those superficial - "Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year" I get from store clerks and others.