Sorry, D. Just saw this.

I think we can all get overwhelmed by what life throws at us. Sorry about the loss of your husband's friend and everything else that you're experiencing.

When I find myself in a dark place, I talk it over with my wife or daughter who are both very grounded and sensible. They can rationalize far better than I can when I feel overwhelmed, disappointed, helpless, etc. I hope nothing but the best for you.