ED TW

T,
Haven't had a legit therapy session in over a month. Well, longer because lack of sobriety and your frustration with that, but yeah. Then there was the hospital thing, and the crisis center and shelter bouncing, and then the scabies check you had me do, and last week you just completely blowing me off for a phone call, that was nice. Meanwhile the peer support person saying you'll be right in, you'll be right in, tells me with the ED eating just spinach, greek yogurt, and pb that she should consider a specific diet...

Fk the sweats. This week with you and J I'm going to "display" my 16.7 bmi so you can determine for yourself if I need to be taken seriously or not. Because it seems like I don't have to be. Last pdoc appointment I wasn't weighed because it was a replacement pdoc and next pdoc appointment is a phone call, so... this is what I got for "proof" because apparently I have to prove that I am struggling. All the freakin' time while I was in a binge/purge cycle it was "you're not losing weight so things are okay." I'm eating like 15,000 calories a day, do you expect me to lose weight even if I'm doing the hurly swirly after!!!!????

And I can't stop. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I bounce off the walls. I'm go go go. I'm starting to believe my dad when he says he's a psychopath and I sooooooo badly want to go down, and, uh, get revenge for the things he did to me, my pets, and my mom. I know you won't tell me that's a bad idea because that's not your style, you'll just ask me if I think that's a good idea, and for my own hedonistic purposes it does I'll sleep when I'm dead, my friend

And when tf was anyone going to tell me I had adhd? lol. I know no one wants to treat me for it in any way, but I swear to fking God that's why this therapy shyt isn't working out for me. Do you expect it to when I. can't. focus. and I'm constantly interrupting what you're saying? And I can't remember much to bring into therapy and I don't remember much coming out of it? I'll take notes. Oh, wait, tried that. Forgot to take notes. Every. Time. Why is it not that hard to bring a notebook and a pen (well...) but saying "hold tf up" and taking it out and actually writing shyt down is like climbing K2 in your birthday suit?

Gonna write an actual ******* letter and bring it to you because I am pisssed. I am pissed about being pissed. I want to sleep like 5 hours for a few nights in a row, a solid 5. With REM sleep and everything. Sure, it's the end of the world, but, no, I don't feel fine.

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Wow that felt good. Watch it's going to be edited and I'm going to feel censored and be triggered my prob, not anyone else's.