My previous therapist went on maternity leave for the second time 12 months ago. I found the whole thing to be very traumatic; there is a long back story as to why but basically she broke a bunch of promises including that she would be doing the same thing she did the first maternity leave and keep me updated as to her plans. She also said I could email her. Her first maternity leave she took 6 months off and then did 6 months of online sessions before returning to in person. She also sent me updates at 3 and 5 month points.

So this time when I hadn’t heard from her after 3 months I sent an email checking in. It was then that I found out she was not returning for 14 months and would not be offering any online sessions. What followed was a series of emails of me trying to get clarity on what was going on and T refusing to engage. The whole situation was so distressing for me I could eat or sleep properly. During this time I have been seeing a new T which has been helpful however what I’ve been needing most is some closure from old T.

T ended up returning a bit earlier than expected and I actually had a final session with her. I went over everything that was discussed in those emails and T said she didn’t know I wanted any online sessions. I was like “what are you talking about? I literally asked you about them in my emails?!” She said they had already been filled before she went on leave. I was extremely confused and angered by this as these sessions were never discussed with me and I said as much. T said she did offer them and she could check her notes to prove it but we probably wouldn’t agree. She said there was no “objective truth” and I said there is because either it was discussed or it wasn’t. I now don’t know what to believe and I feel totally manipulated and hurt that she knew I was suffering and couldn’t even offer me one session.

Do you think this is gaslighting? I don’t see how I could forget something like that. My recollection of the whole thing was that I was uncertain as to what I was going to do (wait for T or find a new one) and was going to see how I felt once T was gone but that she would be in touch to let me know when she would be back. T’s excuse for not emailing me with updates and for being disengaged in her responses was that she had changed the goal posts but didn’t have the words to tell me that. Wtf? How is that acceptable? I have no words for the sheer ineptitude of this woman. She said so many hurtful things today but I don’t have the energy to go into those right now. I just need to know I’m not being unreasonable 😥