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Old Nov 13, 2023, 11:23 AM
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Discombobulated Discombobulated is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,969
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samicat View Post
I don't have much to add to the good replies above, but I do have a general warning: When many bad things happen at once, it can snowball because people may "blame the victim" -- people are distressed hearing about others' misfortune and want to believe it can't happen to them, so they may sometimes attribute someone's bad luck to being deserved or "manifested" by the person themselves. Or people may act like bad luck is somehow contagious and simply avoid you. I mean things like illness or death can happen to anyone, but I have noticed in my own life that when I have a run of bad luck, some people including family can turn away or even turn on me when I most need support. For instance my husband has a disability that resulted in a fractured work history and he lost his job during Covid due to low seniority - for us it was an awful blow and what made it worse was that many family members seemed to decide it was his fault as nobody else in his family lost their job due to the pandemic. And we didn't ask anyone for financial help (he did qualify for government help although it was 1/3 of his normal salary), just empathy.


While it's good to talk about it with people you can trust, be aware about a lot of venting or complaining, and maybe save it for a forum like this or a professional therapist. What I'm trying to do in my own life is just stay really mindful, write in a journal, meditate and pursue daily spiritual practice, and also read spiritual or self-help articles and books. I'm no longer as quick to share my struggles with people in my social circle unless I know they will understand and have suffered greatly themselves.
Yes this makes good sense to me, I think you’re right. No one at work knows anything about the catalogue of disaster apart from a few tiny incidents I shared. Apart from anything this is all about other people’s health so I’m wanting to guard their privacy. Also I don’t want unsolicited advice which often seems to be the response because some people want to fix.

I do write more on here than I talk about face to face. I don’t have a therapist, access to therapy is limited here unless you’re well off. Here feels safe although I still don’t want to share too many specifics.

I do think you’re right about people apportioning blame- I have one relative who lost friendships because some people couldn’t resist speculating about the reasons behind their misfortune- it added to their misery sadly. I’m sorry you experienced this too.
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