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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I would have felt gaslit as well. It seems like she's trying to change the facts now. Even if she thought she'd offered them to you, she could have given you the benefit of the doubt. Or said something like, "I'm so sorry you didn't feel heard in what you wanted from me. Maybe I wasn't clear in offering them or I'm remembering incorrectly. How can I make it up to you?" But instead, it sounds like she's just being defensive and putting the blame on you.
It reminds me of when I had the final rupture with my former marriage counselor, where it seemed he was trying to rewrite history with comments like, "I've always been very clear and consistent in my boundaries." When, no he wasn't! That was a huge part of what was so painful for me--feeling gaslit by him. So I understand.
And yes, I agree with your interpretation. It could be that she *thought* she offered something when she didn't or that she was unclear about it. But she seems to be insisting that she's right and you're wrong. Rather than considering that she wasn't clear, that there was a miscommunication (where maybe she could have confirmed that you didn't want an online session, for example), etc. And it sounds like she just didn't respond to your earlier emails.
I think your feelings are valid and that you're not being unreasonable. I'm not sure where you go from here, if it's worth talking to her anymore about this or if it will just be hitting a brick wall and cause more pain. I'm sorry... Are you still working with the new T?
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Thank you. She did respond to my earlier emails but did not address or acknowledge 99% of what I wrote. All she would say is she wasn’t available until January next year. When I said this was different to what we discussed she ignored it. When I said that her change in tone suggested she didn’t want me to email her anymore she ignored it. When I asked about online sessions she ignored it.
According to her she, for reasons still unknown to me, changed the goal posts and felt she couldn’t fulfill her promise of emails and updates but didn’t have the words to tell me that. It’s one thing to do that but it’s another to not have the balls or basic human decency to tell me that. Instead she said nothing and for 12 months I was wondering if it was my fault or if something had happened to her or the baby. This level ineptitude is not okay and I will be investigating whether I am able to take further action against her.
In our session yesterday, she literally told me she was holding back from saying anything because she wasn’t my therapist anymore. I didn’t know what to say at the time because I was so hurt by it but now that I have had time to reflect, I am furious that she still charged me for services that she was not willing to provide. Just because a client has opted to terminate doesn’t mean the therapist is allowed to just check out.