Hi! Just wanted to check in after my unplanned absence from here. My middle son is having some issues at school and my older son broke his thumb so scheduling all of the things that go along with those things are a full time job on top of the one I already have!

I agree with you about screaming. Honestly, it makes me sad sometimes that my H can't communicate strong emotions through anything but screaming and it is so related to his childhood issues that have not been dealt with. I think that is interesting about the video you mentioned, it does help to think that he can't really control what is happening and has no idea how damaging it is. Although my kids certainly tell him and so do I. But, it does go to show you that it might be hard for him and people like him to fully grasp. I didn't even know you could "recover" from borderline, that is very interesting to hear (although I confess I do not know or understand much about the condition in general). I do feel like my kids have helped me with this because through them I have understood even from toddler age that when they are having a meltdown there is no input for them to even hear rational thought or think through things. You just have to wait until they calm down. I don't think I ever knew that before but it also of course applies to my H.


It is sort of weird in a way because it does end up being all about my H, like he will engage with me a ton about his work situation and to talk through his issues but generally passes days or even weeks without asking me anything. Definitely one sided for the time being, and I do wonder how or if we could ever reach some sort of normal or healthy relationship. I guess that remains to be seen.


I do hope you have good luck keeping yourself in "ArmorPlate Land" and the focus on yourself. I find the upcoming holidays tricky to navigate especially as it ups the time we both have to spend with my H's toxic parents. And, now that I have sat through SO many therapy sessions with my H learning even more about their relationship (and all of it awful) I find it even harder to be around. Do you have any tips for having to be around toxic in-laws because I will take all the help I can get!

I will say I am staying in "Shyla Land" at the moment but quite honestly only because it has been so busy around here I have no time to focus on H these days!