I did tell RS I didn’t go to work. He wasn’t upset with me. He’s confused because I am still being social with him and I did cook dinner last night so he doesn’t see it as that bad. And he is correct, it’s not as bad as it has been and could be. But it’s still bad. I feel more like I can face work though. It’s going to be very difficult but I think I can do it.

My therapist encouraged me to schedule ECT for this week but I’m not going to. I already have it scheduled for next Friday. She says because it’s winter soon that I might need my schedule adjusted to every two or three weeks. I hope she’s wrong. I’ll have to file for intermittent FMLA for work again. It’s all so much effort.

I did get in to see my pdoc today. We’re going to switch the lexapro for Wellbutrin. I’ve done well on Wellbutrin in the past.

I talked to RS a little about how frustrating this all is. I’m having very strong self harm thoughts right now. I just want to take my seroquel and go to sleep. The whole day I basically stared at the wall.

I hope the Wellbutrin helps. My pdoc says it reduces appetite but I’ve never had that in the past. So I kinda laughed it off. I know I’m fat doc, you don’t need to tell me to lose weight. I got it.