I posted this somewhere else on the internet and after 3 weeks it has no replies. Maybe here someone will answer me?

How to tell the difference?

I have C-PTSD from childhood abuse and bullying. To this day I can’t tell the difference between abusive cruelty, versus innocent teasing. They look, sound, and feel identical to me.

Also, no matter which category it actually falls into, I know if I speak up, I’m just going to hear, “Oh, quit being so sensitive and grow a sense of humor. I (or he or she) was just messing with you.” It seems to me that “messing with” people IS a form of bullying.

Then there’s people’s tendency to find out something bugs, annoys, or even triggers me, and then they make it a point to do exactly that. To use an unlikely example, let’s suppose I was trampled by a herd of buffalo. Now I do anything from flinch to outright pee on myself every time I see a buffalo. Well, that’s going to be some people’s cue to bring on the buffalo at every opportunity. Some of that may be a misguided attempt at desensitization, but most of the time it’s because they think it’s funny to watch me freak out. Even if I do successfully put a stop to this kind of treatment, now I’ll be ostracized and excluded because I’m no fun.

So in summary, how can I tell if somebody really is just messing with me, or if I’m their verbal and emotional punching bag again?