Well . . . I did the dishes, made the bed, and got half of the laundry done, which included even blankets. So I feel less bad than when I was just vegetating.

My last bad depressive tailspin was at the end of June and thru July. I'ld push myself to get moving. Then I'ld only feel better briefly. I kept relapsing. In September, I got into a great place mentally and stayed that way thru October and then some. I just want to get back into that frame of mind. I should make a plan for tomorrow. If I keep moving and doing things, I might pick up enough momentum to carry me thru the holidays.

Mornings are hardest for me. Depression is heaviest on me in the morning. If I can get myself out of the house, I tend to improve. But I have a social anxiety problem. I'm don't have full-blown "avoidant personality disorder." I'm somewhere in between that and social phobia. It comes and goes. When it's bad, I don't even want to check my mailbox because I don't want to run into any neighbors. When I wasn't depressed - back when it was still warm - I'ld work on my little patio garden, and I'ld enjoy seeing neighbors coming and going. I'ld chat with them and was getting to know them better. We're a small complex with just 8 apartments. I was really coming out of my shell. Then I got into this avoidant state. It can be just awful. I think my problem with recurrent depressive episodes is rooted in my social isolation.

I tell myself it's up to me to do something about connecting. I have to plan to explore specific opportunities. I get all negative, thinking nothing will interest me. I need to try things and give things a chance. I was thinking of joining a yoga group at a nearby community center. I get very intimidated about approaching activities like that.

Well, I know my problem and what I have to do about it. I just need to find a little courage. It doesn't really take a lot.