I think your last three sentences sum it up: "He's not stupid. He *can* learn. He just doesn't want to."

It is not incompetence. It is a choice to do it badly or carelessly. So much for equal partnership..

And yes, men are typically guilty of that: 'I will mess it up, so that *she* has to do it herself. Hahaha'. Good for you for not giving up on yourself, despite the frustration.