So I finally got a full-time job. I like the work, and the learning curve is steep but I’m getting there. They pay is terrible. About $5/hr less than what I asked for so I have to keep rideshare driving on the side, thus work 11 (8 hr admin, 3 hr driving) hour days Mon-Fri plus weekends.

I’m 2 months behind on car payments and Friday it was arranged I would make the payment online. Only, there was a 7 pm cutoff which made the payment for that date invalid and pushed it to be processed next week on the 22nd. The agreement was that I would make the payment Friday and the 2nd late payment in 3 weeks to avoid a repossession letter being mailed out.

The credit union phone customer service agent told me that if i missed Friday’s payment, I was screwed. She did not give me the 7 p.m. cutoff deadline information either. So, I was shocked when the credit union website rejected my online payment for Friday’s date, and pushed it out to the 22nd of next week. I immediately emailed the customer service agent I’d spoken with telling her what happened when I made my payment online.

I can call on Monday to find out if the repossession letter is mailed out. If it is, I will file Chapter 7 bankruptcy to get out of paying for the car’s total balance. It’s my only option. I can’t sell a car online that is in repossession as far as I know. I guess I can research that option online.

I can always get another car through donation websites and auctions, where you are given the car “as is.” I won’t let the car issue affect my job. I’m sure not going to share the news that “hey my car got repossessed because I’m poor” with the office. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not dumb. Plus, I can take the train to my job no problem.

It’s been nearly a year now since my mom died and being socially isolated prior to her death, only makes it harder now. I can’t go visit her in her memory care room and chat with her. We had our issues — I posted about our relationship here a lot. She’s still my mom and I still miss her. My siblings are the same as they were before our mom died; emotionally distant. I forwarded my sister a screenshot of an upcoming remembrance mass asking her if she wanted to go. She responded, “Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll deal with this by myself.” WTF. Project, much? All I did was ask her if she wanted to attend it. Her response is so immature. I didn’t force her to do anything.

My sister also borrowed our mom’s social security money every month for herself and never replaced it. Our brother did that with our dad’s social security money too. My guess is, she is starting to feel guilty for being such a terrible daughter stealing from her own mother while her own mother was in memory care with dementia. It disgusts me when I think about my two siblings’ actions.

I feel sad today because I wish my life was different. I wish I didn’t have ****** siblings. I wish my mom was still alive. I wish I had more friends. I wish I didn’t have to work 11 hour days and two jobs to make ends barely meet. I wish I wasn’t going to lose my car and have to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy which costs about $5,000 give and take. I wish people liked me. I’m not s ****** person. Someone anonymously messaged me on Facebook (it was in my spam folder) to tell me I was a weirdo and a creepy person. No way of knowing who sent me that weird random Facebook message. I am just really sad today. Grief, I guess.