If you want the pain to go away, the only way for that to happen is to face your issues and then you can move on from them. I am bipolar and suffer from chronic depression. I battled it from the time I was 18 until 37 without any meds, just therapy, unaware of the official diagnoses. After being in and out of therapy for so long and still feeling suicidal despite have addressed all of my issues, I went to a psychiatrist and got my diagnosis. I had no reason to be depressed....it is just the way I was. I went on meds for depression, anxiety and a mood stabilizier and my life is dramatically different now. I am not overjoyed, there is still a limit to how "high" my moods get, but I am lifted from the dark hole I was in. I think you should speak to a doctor, clearly you want relief and that is the only way you will get any. We can support you and let you know you aren't alone but we can't take away your pain. Meds might be able to.
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