This is really interesting... and so disgusting. I think if you are with someone who does this, it's more than just a quirk or even laziness. It's passive aggressive and malingering. There may be "dark triad" type personality disorders involved. They have likely been doing it since childhood and people ignore the red flags.


Honestly, how anyone reaches adulthood without being able to cook, clean, do laundry and look after themselves is ridiculous and clearly their parents pampered them too much.


My husband is disabled and there are certain things he can't do. But he is competent with laundry, housework and cooking - and I don't have to insist that he does these things - he takes the initiative. This is what a PARTNER in life does.


Also, when I do things he can't (like home repairs or taking the car to the shop) he will willingly accompany or assist me and look things up and won't be off playing video games or doing his own thing. He is willing to spend the time and investigate the problem with me.

Another thing is that when I have worked all day and he's been off that day, he will do housework including cooking AND insist on doing the cleanup after dinner as well (we do have a dishwashing machine). He has a sense of fairness that we should be spending equal amounts of time contributing and if I have just worked an 8-hour day and he hasn't, he will make sure he contributes. I do the same.


It's definitely not limited to one gender, but I think because most traditionally-female tasks like cleaning, cooking, child care and laundry need to be done EVERY DAY, whereas traditionally-male tasks like yard work or home repairs are more occasional, means that it could be more obvious when men are shirking. The traditional division of labour is not fair if both members of a couple are working full-time.


In short it's not okay for someone to use others - but I doubt this is something that can normally be solved by discussion or blame. Maybe marriage counselling if the shirking partner is amenable to it - which I suspect they would usually not be.