And here i am, having another flicker of good feelings! I called my older sister tonight. She was out to dinner and couldn't talk but said it was nice to hear from me. I'm proud of myself because it was hard to do. She said to call tomorrow but who knows how i'll feel then. She and i are the last of my family of seven and i feel more interested in her since watching "Ozark" and seeing Ruth lose HER whole family.

I've been feeling down since i let the party pass on Saturday without attending. Just sad that i don't enjoy parties when people generally regard them as fun. I did make a gesture as the party was in the building and i feel warmly towards the birthday girl since she did some peer support for me last year when my younger sister died. Before the party i brought my dog down to see her as i thought she would like to meet my dog as she says she loves dogs. But she didn't even pet my dog. I was disappointed. She might have been concerned about her outfit, which was a lovely, simply-cut, sleeveless, sequined shift-dress in powder blue, very flattering. She really went all out! At least i wished her a happy birthday. It would have been kind of remiss not to at least put in an appearance as the party was just an elevator ride away.

Well, i does what i can!

I've got an appointment on Thursday with my doctor to discuss my depression. I really think the thing to do is REDUCE my meds, at least my Seroquel and then my Risperdal. I'm feeling over-sedated and have the munchies something fierce. Last time i talked to him in this state, he wanted to INCREASE my meds. That's not appealing. Hopefully we can work something out.