My therapist brought up the idea of putting me IP to do a med wash. Hell no! I had a flucking anxiety dream about it. That would be absolutely TERRIBLE. Luckily my husband talked some sense into her today about it so that's off the table. Whew! She's also been freaking me out lately because she's been talking about neurological scarring and how I'm going to get that if I have another episode or if we switch my meds around some more...

For Pete's sake! The only meds I mess around with are my seroquel and loxapine. Everything else has been consistent for years now. And the only reason why I cut my loxapine dose so much is because I couldn't tolerate it anymore and didn't feel like my psychiatrist was taking me seriously.

I'm not thoroughly happy being on seroquel (because I abuse it), but it helps my anxiety SO much and overall makes me feel better. It just gives me the munchies hardcore!

My pdoc wanted to wean me off gabapentin and I was like hell no!!!

So pretty much my meds are a mess, I'm fat, I'm pissed off, I have breakthrough psychosis, and we just got a new cat.

I just don't even want to imagine how AWFUL it would be to be taken off diazepam and gabapentin cold turkey, along with my other meds. No thank you. THAT would cause neurological scarring!

I have a pdoc appointment on Wednesday. Not sure what we're going to do with my meds, if anything at all.

I'd like to go on Topamax because I need to lose twenty pounds, but I'm not sure I want to go on a new med or how my psychiatrist would feel about that.

I was also going to ask about the seroquel XR.

I don't know. Who knows I guess.