My tolerance is just so low around her acknowledging in any way some of my life experiences. I have now told her to shut up and f**k off multiple times. I can’t even tolerate her vaguely talking about abuse in general, eg we were going through the symptoms of BPD and she got to the bit about causes of BPD and I freaked out but held it in because she was reading about the different types of abuse and as usual my head went weird and I spaced out and had no idea what she said for ages but I had this anger in me and even though she moved on, it just kept building because she was still talking and then I verbally lashed out at her. I did the same thing next session when she mentioned my childhood. Then I feel so guilty afterwards for treating my only ally this way. I don’t know why I’ve got so angry but I feel very close to giving up because I don’t want her to have to put up with my behaviour. I’ve apologised but what good is it that when i know I will probably do it again.
We’ve both agreed that I am majorly pushing her way at the moment. I used to love her and now I hate her and she hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Why do I turn everything bad?Even thought I hate her, I don’t want her to terminate me but I wouldn’t blame her if she did