Thank you LT, I did laugh about the teenage phase. It does feel a bit like that but I don’t want it to. I feel like I’m on my own now and that makes me hate her, even though I know me hating her is what has me feeling on my own.
Can I ask what you said to your T that he found offensive? (Im just being nosey) and trying to gauge how bad my f**k offs and shut ups are 🙈
That last bit is the one I think,

This is it! She tries to offer me all this understanding and compassion and it enrages me. Every time I’ve been rude to her is because she’s doing this. Yea I’ve told her things things, but that was early on. Now I can’t cope with her even mentioning it, even in a general non specific to me sort of way. Yet If she stopped I’d probably die because Id know it would lie forgotten and that would be too painful also. So she can’t win with me. I’m a nightmare