At the beginning of the month I got kicked out of my mom's. Then I found this place with some asshole we'll call him S, where I don't know how long ago because my memory is really bad but my face still hurts and I'm still bruised but I was asaulted (not by S). I'm dealing with hep C. My eating disorder is out of control and I do NOT know how to eat anymore. My case manager thinks my potassium is low again and on Monday she said I should just eat more bananas. I haven't eaten since then. I used to find a lot of comfort in music but now I'm so afraid of noises it's hard to find something that doesn't startle me. I'm a fking musician for Pete's sake this shouldn't be a thing. I can't even go for a walk because cars are scary af.

I'm trying so hard to find a more permanent place to live with my case manager, I'm waiting to hear bback from this one place that hopefully will accept me. I feel like I'm "unacceptable" though. I even got permanently kicked out of the voluntary IP unit here.

I can't sleep either. Last night I Took 2 Belsomra, an Ativan, and 2 melatonin and got 4 broken hours of sleep. This is with supposedly good sleep hygiene. But I'm too activated to sleep.

I don't remmeber anything either. I've been blacking out again, sometimes for a minute or two, sometimes all day. I'm about a month and a half clean, but I feel like I'm in worse shape now than when I was using.

I know a lot of my problems are from not eating and not sleeping and from PAWS, but other than waiting out paws I don't know how to fix the other two.