**** this was long. TL/DR: Can't stop joking in therapy. How to be taken seriously?

I get really uncomfortable talking about a lot of stuff so I turn it into jokes in very poor taste and I think it makes her think I'm not taking recovery seriously when I'm like "yeahhh, mom just kicked me out, got assaulted--see my pretty eye make up???--pretty soon I'm sure my new roommate's gonna rape me for quitting our band and I might as well buy the vodka and the roofie for him."

I know I know. If I want to be taken seriously it should be more like:
"My mom doesn't trust me anymore, and it feels terrible to have lost that trust. Now I'm in an even less safe environment where I've already been assaulted and my PTSD is on high alert and I keep wondering if I'll ever be in a safe environment ever again."

Do I seriously have to write out every single ****ing word I want to say in therapy before going in so I don't impulsively come out with "damn, this therapy stuff is hard, I can't think. Mind if I have a sip of "water" from my "water bottle" because "water" helps me open up?"

(I am 50 days sober today, I am just in that "still joking about it to normalize it" mode.)

I worry she thinks I'm overexaggerating or I'm complaining too or I can't handle it or I'm being too pessimistic or I have no coping skills or I can't look at things in any way other than "my life sucks, wanna die." (More like, HEY LOOK, MY LIFE SUCKS, LET'S PARTY TO DEATH!" lmao am I right?)