darkeyes,
i have been prescribed many regimens and i HAVE tried them all....
lemme give you examples....
---->serax alone (too depressed)
---->temazepam and serax for mania (too depressed)
---> zoloft for downs combined with serax and temazepam for ups.... tried it for a few months (didnt work, actually worsened it)
---> depakote alone... tried it for as long as i could(made me bulemic again, cutting again, suicidal)
---> depakote with other meds such as serax (same thing)
---> zyprexa (made me deathly ill and they pulled me off it for suspicion of kidney distress)
---->lamictal alone ... took it for a week then tried to commit suicide
---->lamictal with klonopin (worked until another doc swithed it)
----> depakote and ativan (same thing as previous exp with depakote)
----> lithium (took one, extreme paranoia set in and sinister alter ego made me throw it all up)
*now i have my own ideas*
to just go back to the lamictal/klonopin combo and throw in ativan for anxiety.... going to my fav doc as soon as he's there to get an antipsychotic....

problem with me trusting doctors and i feel they fail me is because they switch my meds as often as i switch my moods. and there is one doc i am honest with because he never threatens hospitalization.. he knows a lot about bipolar disorder, but also does internal med and is very busy....

so i was very offended when you said i wasnt trying...
i am trying. its all i do. every minute of everyday, try to focus and try to maintain my life and research meds and this disorder.. which mine is "severe bipolar 1 with psychosis". and it has been diagnosed this way by at least 3 docs. (and if youve read my posts you know its true)

not trying to fight with you at all...
and im trying to give you an understanding of my situation
we just dont agree... is that so bad?